I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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