Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Randomize
