come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Randomize
