why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
