I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize