my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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