Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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