see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
