When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
being pregnant is like rehab
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize
