its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
