I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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