i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
vagina is talking i cant
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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