Your dad touched me again.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize