think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Randomize
