Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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