Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I'm sobbing to NWA
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize
