I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Randomize
