i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
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