Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Houston, we have a squirter
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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