I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
