So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Randomize
