I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
