when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
