You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Randomize
