i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
try to milk me bitch
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