Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
