I feel like abortions should bother me more
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
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