after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize