you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
