Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
