p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
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