So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
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