I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
