So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
Randomize
