This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
