1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Randomize
