i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
