quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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