I hate your face
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Randomize
