It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
