Where are you?
In a non slutty way
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Randomize
