i was born a porn star she said
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
