I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Randomize
