Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
you had me at cake vodka
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
