i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
dude. I can hear the air.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
