someone get that fucking seahorse.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize
