im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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