Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
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