I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Randomize
