Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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