i don't plan on having that self control this summer
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
