Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
sarcasm needs its own font
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize