My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
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