So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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