I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
tell your sister to shave her snatch
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
