Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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