You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
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