maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
