Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
