he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
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