how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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