Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
