He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
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