i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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