remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
i barfeds in our rink
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Randomize
