Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
