i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
