That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
In America we eat man semen.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
