Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Randomize
