No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
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