She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
