I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
