I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
