Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
birth control should be required to get into college
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Randomize
