There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
