I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Randomize
