come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
im having a threesome with these popsicles
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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