There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
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