i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
