Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
So gin and wine won't be happening again
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Randomize
