I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Randomize
