I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Randomize
