I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Randomize
