i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
