So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
