I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Never joke about your clitoris.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Randomize
