GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
