FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
This is my gift to your gina
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
