I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
