I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Randomize
