you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Randomize
