I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
