If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
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