oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
