is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
