how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
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