I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Randomize
