Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
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