She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Randomize
