I am puke
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
So much Jack, so little girl.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Randomize
