Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
